megmeeetsworld

they say the end is comin', i'ma stay up for it.

Fri, 07 Sep 2007 02:12:18 GMT

what makes me really sad is that i pretend to be fearless and tough because on the inside, i'm so scared. i'm breaking down more and more everyday and it hurts sometimes because i think i'm in the situation where i love somebody more than they love me. that hurts. i don't know if thats a fact, but when your alone, you've got time to think about it. and i guess i just feel stuck in a rut. so to speak. i've been exploring parts of my mind. just thinking about how i react in different situations. not only how i react physically, like throwing, screaming, angry facial expressions, but the first thing that comes to mind, when something so minor and non-threating occurs. i just think of every negative possible outcome. and i think that's why people really fucking piss me off...... i know that all my fears and anxities are all in my head. forgodfuckingsakes, i know that. but, i just can't seem to get out of this mind fuck. which seems eternal. i just keep saying over and over, "in the end, all you have is yourself. only yourself to make you truly happy". but, i can't for the love of pete come to terms with what makes me happy. i really think i try to make myself feel miserable. i think i wear my heart on my sleeve. not all the time. it's kind of invisible. i'm the only one with the supersonicseethrough vision. yeah and you know what, people have it so much worse, but they just have better fucking coping skills. another thing that saddens me is that at least at one point in the day, i really wish i could of bled to death when i had the chance.

osc

Tue, 12 Jun 2007 11:33:35 GMT

as soon as you sat down
i saw the look in your eyes
and without saying anything
i knew this wasn't going to be easy

please just sit with me
for a little while please
we'll talk about anything
our childhood, our dreams
we could be anything
bird's and the bee's

apples on trees.

,,,,,,,,,,,,

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 02:05:10 GMT

i'm all alone even when i'm not
theres all these people, but it looks like i forgot
my smile, my heart, it's dying everyday
my eyes that we're blue, have turned to a grey
my soul has expired, growing weary , growing frail

ewhre

Wed, 27 Dec 2006 01:28:20 GMT

you've got my heart in your hands
and my lips are chapped from all this kissin'
we're touching, we're nothing, we're breathing heavily
it's heavenly
yeah, you've got all of me

you've got my body under yours
my legs, my lips, my cheeks all yours
there's no letting go
don't let me go

man

Mon, 25 Dec 2006 05:44:06 GMT

i go to parties all the time
i walk, in feeling fine
i sit and smoke or sit and drink
i can't help but stop, stop to think
that half the guys in the room
told me they loved me at one point in my doom
and of course, i repeated those 3 words and added a 'too'
cause i'm an asshole and scumbag
and i don't care about you

oh okay

Wed, 29 Nov 2006 03:46:35 GMT

im a big idiot and kept forgetting my pass word. but, however, i am back and ready and pumped to use my livejournal. so how i have been you ask? well. very well. my partying has come to slow down. and im kind of okay with that. i kinda partyed to much, to fast, all the time. now its kind of boring. its just like well i already did that drug and i already drank all that last weekend..so. you know. but. i kinda feel creative so... YEahhh..
----------------------------------------------------------
i have 87 cents in my pocket, now my hand
if your hungry, let me know, ill buy you what i can
hey, look over there, it's a fruit stand
it's cheaper and your famished and your bodies shiverin'

you can have an apple for your heart
an orange for your soul
a pear for your pleasure
all those banana's look old
the grapes for the taste
cause they'll remind you of good wine
getting drunk, getting high, off a good time

and after you eat your meal of the day
we'll walk slow and faster or at a steadily rate
we'll join hands if were cold
sing songs of time old
all we have too look forward to is someone to hold
to kiss, to touch, to grab, too bold?
that's only how the stories unfold

well

Wed, 11 Oct 2006 20:46:30 GMT

we'd had been drinking that night
and in our plight
to forget the night before
we'd said things we had been meaning too
and even though they were only half true
it didn't matter
cause at that point in the conversation
we only wanted to hear the truth

so i stared at the sky
looking for a sign
an epiphany.
anything.
i guess it's true
you'll never know how much you love something
until its gone
just feels so right when its wrong

mhmhmhmh

Tue, 10 Oct 2006 00:53:30 GMT

i used to go to church every sunday
but i'm getting rid of the night before
i used to want to be something someday
but the road i walk will end with no door

hjtekr6lr5 bored

Wed, 20 Sep 2006 16:02:33 GMT

these days i have 2 options
i could sit in the dark and write all these songs
look in the mirror, and examine my flaws
i have plenty of flaws, i'm made of mistakes
half me is empty, and i give like i take

i always have these dreams, that end with tragedy
nothing is happy and i will gladly
live with the consequence of being alone
i saved your flowers till they were dead and fargone
and this dream that i had the other night
i woke up in a struggle, with tears in my eyes
so let me tell you about what happened
i was sitting, and smiling and dancing and laughing
and you we're there, just smiling back
i kept spilling my drink all over your lap
and i kept saying "i'm sorry, i'm sorry for that"
you said "hahaha hahaha hahahaha hahahaha"
i started to panic and then dropped your jaw
and i couldn't speak, like in all of my dreams
and then all of the sudden i heard you scream
"i can't believe i love you this much, i love you, i love you, i love you so much"
and then i awoke, and i sat there in the dark
resting my hands on my cold heart
and it's beating so fast and going so slow
and all of these emotions could never grow old
and i think to myself, what have i done?
and it's been all these months and my instinct is "run"
and i'll run so fast after you
and i already know that you will too
cause you don't want to be caught, especially by me
so maybe we can just hang out in my dreams.

carole kinda inspired me

Mon, 18 Sep 2006 20:19:48 GMT

i read very well
and your a wonderful book
i'm on the last chapter
each line, each word full of rapture
full of intrigue and gasps like a mystery story
there's a plot and an ending and new found glory

when i turn the page, i uncover memories
and there's all these out of tune melodies
and the thought process is short, don't take time to think
cause i miss the moral everytime i blink

and my eyes grow tired cause i've been staring so long
and my heart it starts hurting cause this paragragh is hard to read
your all that you know you are even when you start to bleed
emotionally and your always scared
forget what's going to happen when i'm nearing the end
of this novel, this true life event
i'm turning off the desk lamp, and going to bed.

poem

Mon, 18 Sep 2006 16:59:06 GMT

baby, oh baby, when did things fall through?
sometimes my eyes turn this bright shade of blue
and i'm asked all the time about the sudden change of hue
i respond 'i don't know', but i'm thinking of you

cause it makes me so sad that we don't have the time
your busy with your friends and i'm getting high
or i'm drinking or writing about your sweet smile
i tried to forgot your number, but it's the only one i dial

somedays i would wake up, you were still asleep
i'd go downstairs for coffee and back to your room i would creep
i'd look at your eyelids, your lashes and lips
and in your slumber i'd give you soft. little. a kiss.

your eye's opened slightly and you'd crack a smile
pull me under the covers and mumble like a child
"baby its too early, come back to sleep,
or drink your coffee and stay here with me"
and for hours i'd lay
awake as the day
i'd sing to myself and with your hair i would play

and when you awoke you'd lay right back down
i'm on my third cup of coffee so i'd give you this frown
i was kidding of course and i'd give you this stare
it had "i love you" written all over it and i didn't care
neither did you cause you had the same look
and i'm sorry for all the chances i took

i'm sorry for breaking the heart i lived for
and don't be surprised if i'm the knock on your door
and i know you've moved on and i know you don't care
but for all that it's worth, i'll always be there
a hello would be nice or a phone call at that
just call and hang up, there's no need for chat
cause we're nothing again, back in november
and i'll always remember
the 23rd of december

<3

Mon, 18 Sep 2006 16:24:49 GMT

I'm different. I know that you're different.
And it doesn't make a difference our differences differ
cause it makes us the same and I needed the change
to call you that day I tried to get you that ring.
I said "Baby, ~~it's Jerry~~, my cell phone is dead.
I need you, I'm freezing my cheeks are rose red."
So you came to my rescue and kissed my cold lips;
you said "Baby I'm here. Please don't miss me like this!"
But I did, and I do, and I will, and I won't
settle for my bed that's increasingly cold.
I dream every night that you're biting my wrists;
New Orleans and vampires, I miss you like this.
And I did.......

........I met you at a party, you grabbed me and smiled.
You knew me from class, I fell for you like a child.
It was just an accident, I don't know what happened.
Next thing I knew we were kissing and laughing .....

....for your dark hair, dark eyes, and all your surprises;
for the way that I run, and Clark Kent, I decided that
I want you to be happy with whatever you do.
And wherever you are, I'll be thinking of you.
I'm sorry, I'm an asshole, I said things I don't mean.
Thank you for everything<3

yaaay

Sun, 17 Sep 2006 16:32:46 GMT

well. this weekend was nice. friday, i went to kyles house and got way too drunk. i kinda ruined my night. well i did. take my advice. do not drink 2 kind's of liquor at the same time and chase it with beer. ha. alright, i went home and fell asleep. i woke up early and hung around, with my brother and we smoked and watched movies like betoveen and laughed our asses off. then katrina and angela came over. it was cool. katrina, mike and i smoked a j and hung out. miss katrina was sick so she slept and angela and i just chilled and stuff it was nice. then titties and alex came over. we smoked again ha and hung out. then, we all left and went to amandas.....yeah. i hope she mad a nice b-day party. katrina and i didnt stay for long. we went back to my house and had a nice time i guess? ha we ate i made cookies and whatnot. blah blah blah this is gay. i'm going to end this entry with a couple of statements. i was raised to pick and choose my battles. i don't fight people when i do not have a reason too. some problems, minor ones, are not worth it. all in all, i'm not choosing this battle. end of story.

so

Mon, 04 Sep 2006 17:52:54 GMT

last night i got mad drunk with katrina and angela.

the wrong words will strand you.

Fri, 01 Sep 2006 19:29:03 GMT

it's all about the times we had
the booze,the drugs, the good, the bad.
"hey, you see that star?"
"ha, i see a few"
"well, all of them are shining for you"
you can't hide from what was meant to be
yeah, you can't go blind because it's not a pretty scene
and your secrets are nothing more than wasted time
as time goes on, your secrets will be mine
and her's, and his, and everyones
you aren't who you think you are
you aren't who you thought you knew
i'm just less of the meal you have too chew

this is off the top of my head its gay

Mon, 28 Aug 2006 06:01:18 GMT

everyones lost their minds
everyones lost their innocence
she lost her innocence
"i'm worth waiting for"
she didn't wait
she didn't let it phase,
her heart hurts more than anything
not her legs, not you know, you know
broke the promise made in the winter
of that old house
to the man than did everything he could
ate grilled cheese for months
generic soup we loved
believing in above
its worthless
HOW COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN?
as the rain was tappin'
just because you have a book written about you
doesn't mean i love you
doesn't mean you'll save me
doesn't mean i'll see you on sunday
doesn't mean i'll drink your blood
or eat your flesh
eat my flesh
everyone thinks its nice
i'll take that rum and coke with ice
that time back in that shitty jersey town
skip drank a bottle of JD and ODed with a frown
wrote a note blaming my mom
making me sing these stupid songs
above love and loss and memories were tossed
in trash cans and pictures
we had no room for them
we had no where too sleep
and if we peeped
a slap on the face
and a bruise for crying
"stop your fucking crying,
i'll make you feel like your fucking dieing"
i am
i am
more than you know
and let me tell you, i'll never show
i'll drink, i'll drug
i'll die alone
HEY BIG GUY, i know your almighty, knowall,
damn me to hell
I ONLY NEED TO BE SAVED FROM MYSELF.

well

Sat, 26 Aug 2006 08:35:14 GMT

im booooooooooored. nothin to do. today, i woke up at 3:22 pm. blazed, cleaned, blazed, blazed again. then i went to absecon and saw trish and mike carr. then i blazed with mike crosson, henry wimberg and joey c.. cute shit. i came home and ate and now im here. yeahyaa

meet me in tha club

Sun, 20 Aug 2006 20:33:45 GMT

if your reading this.
i hope you know i'm really sorry for what i did and all i want is an acception to my apology and you'll never hear from me again.

Sun, 20 Aug 2006 08:37:35 GMT

the worst part is
i can't have you back
i'm gaining everything to lack
i'd promise you the world if could
a secret pact
give you my heart again
and again
and again
and again

i cannot sleep. so today, i woke up at 2pm cause i took a whole entire trazadone which knocked me the fuck out man. i got up, went downstairs, my mom made me ice coffee and later kevin and angela came here. we sat by the creek near my house and drank some rum,gotta a little yahoo, smoked ciggs, then came back to my casa and kevin and i smoked a j with my brodda. we just chilled here then around 8 snuck into the movies. we saw john tucker must die and THE DESCENT. angela and i just fucking cried and screamed the whole time and of course i was like "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, OH MY FUCKING GOD" at the top of my lungs. we had the theater laughing tho, it was cool. later around midnight or so, we came here and kevin got some pizza cause my mom like ordered 503456904 boxes. crazy cunt<3. angela and i just chilled here. we both went upstairs to sleep. around 3 something. but now im here cause ive got a mind runnin like a race horse. i dunno. but ah life sucks man.

weird mood

Fri, 18 Aug 2006 23:16:50 GMT

depressed, happy, sick, very sick, happy. all in one. i hate it.

poem time

when it's all said and done
its done and things were said
the words were a lie
that were said in your bed
i'm living a lie
living is dead
when scars are like stars
your skin like the sky
and all the world will make you cry
you know its not something to take lightly
because those things you call stars shine oh, so brightly.

get your lighters, roll a sticky, let's get hiiii1111gh

Wed, 09 Aug 2006 16:42:46 GMT

woo, yeah summer. great summer. having a greaaaat time. one thing i did in the company of angela, dom, george, kevin and bob was take a trip to route 666. (estell manor area). we visited an abandoned church...and a graveyard. i got out of the car walked up to the church and its proven if you believe in ghosts and stuff, you see them. and i am very into that sort of thing and i saw a little figure like a little boy or girl run behind like 2 trees. like they were playing hide and seek or some shit. and i told angela and kevin and we went back in the car. george, dom and bob went into the graveyard. while we were in the car i kept hearing like noises like growls and moans and stuff in the distance. 1 second later, angela and i scream because we saw this huge black shadow go run past the car. all the boys were accountable for because we could see them in the graveyard. i almost died right then and there. i started to cry because i was so scared. i NEVER cry. never. that is how much fear was instilled in me. everyone heard us like screaming. it was horrible. so we just drove down the road, passing the lake where in the 40's, some man killed his whole family and dumped them in the lake. i was high so i really don't remember like everything in order. but there was a car at somepoint parked on this road where NO one drives. oh god. i seriously was soo scared. but all in all. it was coool to see.

so, well, okay.

Tue, 01 Aug 2006 05:10:21 GMT

now heres the thing. can we really except the things we cannot change? now thats derived a little bit from the serenity prayer. if your familar with alchohols anonymous. good group. help people get clean and sober and stay sober. but thats a different story. i was just thinking, deeply about our world and what we can do to change it. not just, environmentally and such, but emotionally. i mean, we really have forgotten the old fashion way of living. with manners, morals and we've forgot about the true meanings of things. things like love, hope, peace mainly. a majority of people i know use others. be it for money, rides, sex. people have definitly forgotten what sex is. its taken so lightly. it makes me sick. what happened to making love instead of throwing it away? sex is like trash now. and i DO NOT LIKE IT. is it possible to change the way people think? no. unless we kidnap the universe and put them in a huge room and brainwash them. but i highly doubt that will not happen if this country is going on the route its taking. alright thats all for now.

yeah!

Fri, 28 Jul 2006 17:55:53 GMT

I don't want to hold my breath as long as you can
I don't want to starve to death just 'cause you can
What happens to the mountains we were gonna climb?
What happens to the house we promised both in time?
Why can't I hate you or get it off my mind?
Why can't I just relax and leave the past behind?
-kols
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
alright, due to boredom and a burst of creativity, im going to write off the top of my head. no really.

I just want to be like a work of art
in a frame, with a long name that goes down in history
painted on a canvas with a sick little heart
so sketch me with a sharp object
study me as a subject
one as confusing as the lives that we lead
and i want a blue fucking ribbon, that reads number one
and after your done, perfecting, dissecting, collecting
put my portrait in the hot, scorcing sun
let me melt and drip onto the burning concrete
and as the puddle increases in volume
in splash your feet
promise me you'll leave some foot prints of my mess
cause your the artist who knows me best

anything your little heart desires

Tue, 18 Jul 2006 05:20:01 GMT

I LOVE EMMA.

WAZZZZUP

Tue, 18 Jul 2006 04:58:32 GMT

well. i'm not so sure about the date, what the day is and so on, but life is good. no really. it is. as always, i try to be positive. so far, everything in my life is neutral/great. i mean, of course we all have bad things happen to us, thats karma, what goes around come around. but, i block it out. or at least i try to. and as human beings, our main way of success is to simply try. you know the saying, "bad things happen to good people"? its all in the matter of fate. if your a believer in God, and knowledgable in some religious teachings,then you might think about how God, if there is one, tests us. Things happen for a reason. But, it all depends on how you live your life. Being a good person, being honest with mainly yourself, and treating others well, is good karma. I think it's important to be honest with yourself. I try, yes try to be honest with others and myself. Hey, honesty is the best policy.I'll finish later.
peace<3